Friday...reflecting on my week.
Tuesday
Floating through anxiety is not the easiest thing in the world for me. But I try every day
when I start to imagine myself in the best place I can be. And that assists finding that light
and airy place. It is Tuesday after a long holiday weekend, which was relaxing.
But going back into scheduling makes it hard again. To imagine that quiet gentle place, I want them. I'm trying to imagine Lucy Ballantine's (Rev) very comforting words of her sermon, Sunday about fear
Fear is omnipresent for me. I will try this day and every day this week and next and the
following week since we have three weeks left of school to imagine that fear is my friend and I have nothing to be afraid when it comes to facing my fears. unfounded fears are the ones that are hardest to grapple with. And thus it makes me not as logical as I should be in my attempt at it, but I shall go forward and try my best on this Tuesday to get my fear filled heart full of joy again.
Last Friday, May 24th, 2019
So here I am at Friday, and a lot of my concerns were, of course, unsubstantiated by the day. I had a wonderful performance last night and felt very good about the attendance and the reception of those dances. One of the other things that always worries me is when I'm this rundown, tired and, and overworked, I just go, I can't give any more, I'll just, I'm going to collapse. But oddly enough, after I start the day and start to work, I generate more of that kind of enthusiasm, energy and
general excitement, just because it's what I do. It's an essence, I always feel as though I'm performing. And yesterday, we have parents in our classroom because we, with the new parents working at the school, with different eyes for different ones. And so I got to talk to different groups of parents and just did a lot of what I consider to be public relations work for the school yesterday. And I'm good at it. It's, it's something I should have a job doing, getting paid for, because I'm not afraid to give of myself to further a cause. I put my whole heart into it. And because of that, I think I gained a lot of respect from people who don't know me well, but but to have confidence in the school because of me. I had a lovely comment by a mother of a boy the
task for me last night, who said one of the reasons she and her husband brought their kids
to our school was she came and saw one of my creative movement classes with a little bit
ease. And she said she was just sold after that. And here we are. her sons. One of her sons is in second grade and he loves dancing and he liked being in my dance. So I feel very proud of that fact that I said I built something at the school.
Thursday, May 30, 2019 - No, my anxiety knows no bounds. Thursday is usually the day when I feel the most calm and reflective. And I do in spite of the fact that tomorrow is one of our two performances with kindergarten and first grade. And I prepared them really well, I feel. And yet, there's still that battle with the uncertainty of how it will go. And that's just how it is. It doesn't make any difference how much we work to prepare them for a performance it will go as it goes. And yesterday, I, I kind of dropped the pretense for thinking that it could be perfect. And but I had a really good rehearsal, especially in light of the fact that I had for middle schoolers helping and that can sometimes defy the odds as far as how to make things simpler, but they were really helpful. They will really consider it, it was just very, very amazing day for me and I, I had to look back on how my perception of middle schoolers has been, and think about how to work with them in the future, in light of those new revelations I've had. So today, I've got a lot of just writing emails, making sure I have costumes ready. But I think it's going to go, well, it's going to go as it will go. But I need to remember that these are kids and I have to remember that parents will love it. However his looks. My last. And last worry, it's the last word. And also it's the one that last the longest is, oh, if it goes too long, it's going to feel just endless. And will I will people just be grinding themselves in their seats because they're so bored. But again, that's nothing I can control completely. Transitions go as they go, no matter how much you rehearse them, and prepare them. But in spite of all of that, I feel really good about what we're doing, and how I'm working with him. And voila. And I feel like it's the start of a new wave of how to work. And I'm going to try to not feel insufficient to the task, or lacking in confidence because there's another dance teacher who may be better at choreography or whatever. I'm good at this. I know how to create a production and I am good at publicizing it. So with that all said I'm going to approach the day with positivity and resolve.
