(Thursday) The beginning of my day is always fraught with anxiety. There's that word again. But as I move through the day. I relinquish it for a sense of accomplishment and a sense of purpose. It doesn't always happen in the first hour and a half, but it does happen throughout the day. And when it does, it keeps me alive in the fact that I know what I'm doing, and I have a sense of how to do things, even though. When I look at the big picture, outside of myself or inside myself when I'm in my head, I should say, it never feels that way. But when I get outside of myself and looking at the big picture. Suddenly, there are patterns emerging that reinforce my sense of confidence.Where I go tracking anxiety. And although yesterday I felt fairly calm today because of yesterday's unrest in the first grade cost, I feel terrible. I feel guilty. I feel like a failure and I'm trying to talk myself into feeling better, but until I rectify the situation. I feel like sometimes I just can't catch a break and that every time I make one step forward, I take full backwards. Wednesday is an easier day. I usually have elective, but the last few weeks it has been MCAS. And so I have had fewer electives, which is great because it's a hard class to manage and it's big. And by Wednesday, I'm exhausted. The other thing is that Wednesday is my two PD day, which I love. But honestly, the last two or three weeks have been running around doing stuff. And I'm really looking forward to having one PD or one Wednesday with two PDS working actually get worked on that will help me not just catch up. So I'm waiting for the bus and it's almost here. I would like to check in with this tomorrow and see my anxiety level is low today because it is Wednesday. But I'm going to check in tomorrow to see just to remind myself what Thursday's might be like there's a feeling for Wednesday's, but Thursday's not always as easy to describe.
