W19D96 (Wednesday) So as I wait for the number 39 bus, my anxiety kind of is quelling but it was high this morning and partially it's due to my lack of medication. I'm pretty sure but also due to a rough Monday and inconsistent Tuesday and I'm doing just what I said I wouldn't do which is to judge myself on my failures less than my accomplishments. Today I'm going to try to go in there with a much more positive attitude and hopefully that will give me some peace of mind as I start to wind down for the week rehearsals are fun but exhausting tonight on your new try to finish some blocking that is in the pages between the songs. So I feel like I have all the bases covered in spite of the fact that I am still feeling very tense and nervous about what I'm doing that wasn't the case last week or the week before or even the week before that and I think mostly it is due to my high blood pressure and and then coupled with the fact that I'm starting my grand final semester, who nervous about that and I have to book a trip and make sure the dates are right for New York and I have donors choose to. So there's just a lot of pressure and putting myself under I hope that I can make it work. I have to realize I'm the only one that's pushing me know. But there's no external force. So, this is my diary blog entry for Wednesday, January, 30. Untitled