This was the studio I spent two big weeks at and here are four of my co-participants. We worked very hard for nine hours a day and though I injured myself, I never gave up on the process. I am struggling at this point to not lose momentum and purpose for the year, so this blog will also serve as a method to track my state of mind and how I sometimes sabotage my journey by giving up too soon. I didn't give up during my two weeks, though many times, I wanted to do so. Now that I have progressed this far, I want to find the next level.
I liken it to mountain climbing, which I have never done, but can imagine. In the beginning when you are testing your balance, strength, and endurance, knowing others are stronger, faster, and younger than you, undeniably produces a fear response, and lowered self confidence (remember you're in boot camp). Even with injuries (I hurt myself the first day) you remember how to pick yourself up and use self talk to toughen your resolve, and help you push past the fear. When there is no one to say "good job" or "I notice how hard you are trying", you remember how to do it for yourself, and that helps you go higher on the mountain than you ever thought possible. The exhilaration (i.e., the moment I leaped across the stage, not worrying that my leap didn't compare to others, or even to the me I used to be) I did it! The threatened response of not measuring up (my first three days at the NDI) I didn't quit!
And as you climb higher, and sense that you are get are getting stronger, both mentally and physically you come to the plateau, a resting place. But that can be as terrifying as the climb. How do I maintain my level of energy going higher or going down?
What can I do to create a sense of challenge now that the mountain has been climbed?
Where is the next "mountain"? How I continue to get stronger, faster, braver, more confident?
Those are the challenges I face in day 3 of the rest of the year, both academic and calendar. And coming back to my family and fitting back in their "flow". It won't be easy, but I know I can do it.